In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: „An Extreme Tale.“
I am just now starting to crawl out under the the sharpedged rubble of my shining house of cards.
Since I can remember I dreamed about finding somebody, who really loves me. That doesn’t mean, that I was a wallflower. No, I had tons of fun and friends but there was allways a deep longing for someone who „really“ loves „me“, like I am. Before this somebody was sometimes supposed to be a prince on a white horse with a nice shoe for me, better a pair, or a knight in shiny armor.
But with the years I found out, that I am pretty much my own hero and can transact, what I want, even if it costs me dearly.Yes, I can.
In autum 2013 I thought, that I really fulfilled all I ever dreamed of, in a slightly different way but nonetheless and in the real world. My office was huge and pretty successful with my partners, I met a guy who really spoiled and seemed to worship me more than I ever awaited. Wow! I was so happy!
When I found myself crying, feeling totally numb, I wondered, what was going on. Wasn’t I here? Didn’t I work and struggle for that for years? Living with my partner in a nice flat and working successfully.
First I had to decide that I had to quitt my partnership in the office. Yes, everything looked nobel from the outside, but my partners bullied me but wanted me to pay them to much money nevertheless. I could not afford it to go on, paying all my time, power and money for a project, where I had no support a all. So I finally quitt in April 2014.
But I could not put it behind me quite so fast, I felt so knocked out like I carried a fifty tons mountain on my back. When I should had worked, I sat on the sofa shedding tears or playing solitaire. It was nearly impossible for me to go on working.
That was when my partner started to loose confidance in me. I often did not understand the reason for the fights but they were so tought, that I just could not bear them anymore. My partner went on trips with his friends, cancelled our trips, told me that he didn’t find me attractive anymore, that he lost his love and that I am an economical catastrophe, which he could not help. Least he wanted me to move out. So I did in October 2014 in part and in January 2015 for good.
Where this will lead to? I don’t know. I managed to find help besides my loving friends and family. I am afraid, that I do have to restart my life in the utterly old age of 47. But what’s the alternative? So, I take a break and try to find my steps toward someone, who really could and should love me: MYSELF.
The Festival of Lights in Berlin conjures every year again a magic, connecting and warm athmosphere in a city, which isn’t exactly known for its colorfulness and lovingly people. Even so, you can find it allways here but during the Festival its easy.
There is someone comming, isn’t there?
Since I had a really bad week, there was no way to fulfil the assignments in time. Live has its own rhythm. So here is my pic for the theme „Connect“. This is the House of the Cultures in Berlin at the river Spree, not far from the Brandenburger Gate, next to the chancellery of Germany.
On this evening between winter and spring, day and night, two people stood there just in the middle and talked for at least an hour, with their bikes, looking very connected.
Es gibt immer so viele spannende Fragen und aufregende Themen, die nicht nur hier auftauchen und laut nach Beantwortung rufen. Oft haben schon LeserInnen geschrieben, dass ihnen Emmas Blog hilft (yuchu!!) und die Leserschaft ist schon ein ziemliches bisschen angewachsen. Doch deutlich mehr als Kilos gepurzelt sind. Prosit!!! Weiterlesen
A wonderful new year 2014 for you!
Thank you so much for all your companionship in the dark times of doubts, loneliness and some times hopelessness during the last year. It was an amazing path, that I only managed with lots of help. Thanks for your encouraging comments!
And best is, it did pay off! Unbelievable but true. There was never a year in my life, that started happier than 2014.
2013 started with a lonely breakdown in the bathroom at a basically nice party and ended in love kissing on a pier at the Eastern Sea with huge fireworks and fine champagne. Gosh!!! I guess, that’s what you would normally call a Happy Ending.
So, here I am on the fast or intermittend or 5-2-diet for 7 weeks. I fast on Monday and Thursday. The rest of the week I eat really normal inklusively icecream, cake, wine and so on. I got so used to this kind of nutrition, that it comes really natural to me. I can imagine very easily, to stay on this diet for the rest of my life. Which is good, because I will need half of my life, to get back to a normal weight. Weiterlesen